Like you’ll never see me (in Phuket) again

I was going to write my last blog of 2008 about something profound or reflective. Like I can’t believe I’m halfway through my internship. Or I’m on vacation in Phuket, yet I feel my own issues with socioeconomic status come up because my status as an American groups me along with the other (mostly European, Western) tourists here. (“I’m not one of those damn tourists, really! I actually live in Thailand, and I’m a somewhat struggling graduate student. Oh, no thanks – I don’t need a bag for that 100 Baht bootleg One Republic CD.”) I’m not going to talk about the nuances of Thai culture, nor how my views of social work have changed since I’ve been here. I’m going to keep it real because this could definitely happen to you if you study and/or work abroad: I met someone.

Alright, as of this moment, it’s 12:30am and I’m at an Internet café with a Singha beer on my side, while there’s a bedlam ruckus of tourists, sex workers/dancers/bar ladies, and a whole lotta old dudes outside, partaking in some pre-New Year’s decadent festivities. As much as I want to strut around outside with my Thai style hair, which has been blow-dried out and sprayed. (Apparently, I didn’t know it was possible to go to salons and NOT cut your hair – but just get it styled.) No, I’m a bit twisted at the moment. Guess I’ve just gone through one of those “It happens when you least expect it” moments.

Partly due to the Singha next to me, partly because I’m on vacation, and partly because I’m lazy, I don’t really feel like going into details. Yeah, I know this is supposed to be a blog and these forums inherently and usually warrant self-exploration and self-disclosure, but I’m hurting a little bit here! I’m vulnerable, and I feel a little naked right now. (Or is it the nakedness outside making me feel this way? Like osmosis?) Anyway, the point is, someone I totally fell for lives so far away from me. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this way for someone whom I’ve only met a few days ago. Moreover, I don’t know if I’ll see him again. Well, I could fly down to Phuket for a weekend, but would it be worth it to pursue and cultivate something, since I’ll be leaving for the States in FOUR MONTHS?!? I don’t know what to do.

Alls I know is, attachments and connections can happen wherever you are, whether it’s in an internship abroad or vacation at a beach town. How am I going to manage this when I go back to Chiang Mai tomorrow? I think I want to try to give it a shot with Homeboy. I’m in if he’s in, “Juno”-style. One of the chief purposes of this blog is to have something concrete to which to refer next year’s interns, in terms of things they might encounter during this international placement. So next year’s peeps: if you go through something like this during your stay here in Thailand, alls I got to say is, fortify your jai (heart) because this will hit you so hard, and you will totally be blindsided by it, too. As if writing a thesis and doing the practicum weren’t enough!

I’m going to leave you with some lyrics from the great Alicia Keys. Hope you have a great New Years celebration!

“So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again”


Alicia, you're such a bad B -- but how do you deal with goodbyes?

Alicia, you're such a bad B***h -- but how do you deal with goodbyes?


~ by wannabejochen on 29/12/2008.

One Response to “Like you’ll never see me (in Phuket) again”

  1. Oh, Eugenia. You made my heart flutter a little bit when I was reading this! Honestly, the feeling you have right now is the greatest. Especially the way you were feeling when you wrote this post. Even though you were somewhat confused and overwhelmed, I think at the heart of it all you were excited and alive! 🙂

    I hope things with you and your beau work out well – you definitely deserve it, and I’m sure he’s a great guy. And he’s a cutie! Don’t sweat the distance – just take it day by day and let things work themselves out. It’ll show you how he really feels, and it’ll give you time to see how you want to approach it. 🙂

    Take care, bud. Talk to you soon.

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